I got to the gym, I started and from second one I knew it was going to be a bad one ... every second a minute, every minute a glacial ice age. I only had to run 7 minutes then walk 2 repeat 3 times ... I got to 15 minutes and pressed stopped.
I tried to get back on and restarted 4 times each time running under a minute before admitting defeat.
I slunk out of the gym like a naughty dog who has knocked over the bin, all the way home berating myself for being useless and not being able to manage much.
So angry that I couldn't do something so simple.
It felt like my body and my mind had a meeting that I wasnt invited to and agreed an action not to run today!A sort of Me 1 vs Me 2 situation (for all you herring and snooker fans!)
But enough .. yes I maybe like the numbskulls, but I can be harder on myself than anyone.
So time not to be to make sure that I take positive steps so I have decided to carry out a review and look at the learnings...
1) Take it easy chicken - in my haste to tell myself how useless I am, I forget that this morning I spent 4 hours building water filters in 40 degree heat. Sifting sand, mixing concrete and digging gravel isnt to be sniffed about at the best of times. In the heat it was doubly so. Oh and I walked 2 miles home. in the same heat. And then went to the dentist this afternoon, so mouth is very sore.
2) Push it - On top of this morning I have had a packed and mad weekend. Friday I went up Kbal Spean (2 miles in total), a hill with a temple on top, followed by a tour of a wildlife rescue center. Again out in 40 degree heat all day. Sat I did training for 50 people in the morning, work in the afternoon followed by concert in the evening. Sunday was the temples for sunrise, and walking around a lot. So pushing it
3) Sick and Tired - I have also been ill over the weekend. Some weird virus that sucks all your energy and makes you feel like throwing up. Having visitors here has meant no rest, along with having to train and doing loads of work.
4)Tick tick boom - my brain is working overtime at the moment. In 2 weeks we step on a plane to come home. Before that we have a mountain of work to do and it is like herding cats. Things that should be in place arent, people are changing their mind and being reactive to events and fiances are quite frankly a mess. That on top of more people wanting to milk my knowledge and experience before I leave, plus having to hunt for jobs and think about what i want to do in the future means that my brain doesnt switch off at any point. Really I should be coasting down and basically getting drunk! No hope of that, when I cant say no ..
5) Pressure Drop - Since I started this experiment into how to effectively torture myself for a prolonged period, everyone else has started to run. The Business & IT team have run 10k, Pat is running half marathon and a couple of other people are doing similar. Is it a case of new car syndrome - when you buy a certain car you suddenly you see them everywhere! This in turn has made me increase the pressure on myself, whereas before I may have relaxed, now I feel the need to succeed! NOW!
So do I give myself a break?
Me 1 can see why I didnt make it and should be proud I did so much, but Me 2 thinks it is all a lot of excuses ...
I am going to have to run, Me 1 is threatening to break Me 2's superman doll because he said he was girly, and Me 2 is about to punch Me 1 ...
Bonus points to me for using song titles from Cardigans, the Hives, Toots & Maytals Underworld and Mansun.
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